Fraudster

sometimes I feel a little like a fraud.

I don't really feel like a mum, sometimes I feel like someone has handed me this little person and I’m supposed to take care of him and love him and try and not totally screw his life up and give him lots of issues to discuss at a later date with a shrink! Don't get me wrong, I love him and worry about him, but sometimes I just get this weird feeling that I’m really a fraud. I’m not sure if I’m old enough, responsible enough, mature enough, patient enough and just all round not enough :(

My mum says that Lachy looks at me with adoring eyes, she obviously hasn't seen him with tears and snot running down his face because he is oh-so-sad that I won't pick him up for the millionth time that day.
I’m not sure what the perfect mum is supposed to be like? I know a few mums that have fantastic 'mum' qualities that somehow didn't manifest in me, like the ability to talk all day about nothing in particular and sing nursery rhymes all day and love having their space invaded constantly. I’m not really like that. At All. It makes me a little sad, I think that somehow Lachy might be missing out. And being a mum is certainly very hard, much harder and very different to what I thought it would be like. Luckily I have a great husband who helps out a lot. Luckily! I certainly have to take my hat off to all the single mums (and dads) out there as I don't know how they do it with no support.

I was sure there was some magic ‘Mum Manual’ that installed itself into your head when the baby popped out! I think they forgot me! There’s still so much I don’t know, all those things that mum’s just know, even the washing instructions on one of my tops says to give it to mum cos she’ll know what to do! Aren’t I supposed to know now that I’m a mum!?!?!?

Anyways that is my ramblings for today. I know I say it all the time but I have been meaning to write more, and I do think of lots of things to write but somehow they stay in my head and don’t make it to here. Maybe it’s because sometimes I feel embarrassed by what I have to say (it’s even embarrassing just writing that!) but I will endeavour to try harder.
Good night