Joy & Sadness

Today has been filled with both incredible joy and earth shattering sadness.

My long-time friend became a dad for the first time to a beautiful little girl, which if fantastic and I could not be happier for him, his lovely wife and their new little girl.

But I also learned that another friend had to terminate her pregnancy because her baby was very abnormal and would not make it to term. I feel very sad for her and her partner that they have had to do this. It reminds me a little of when I had a miscarriage a few years ago, though unlike that I had no say in the matter, no choices to make, it just happened. I truly hope that she doesn’t blame or question herself and that the sorrow, loss and sadness will go down over time.

It makes me realise just how much I love my little bubba boy and so he has had extra hugs today!

Given that I live 100’s of miles away, it has also made me feel a little isolated as I wish I could be there to give both of them big hugs. So I guess I will have to send big loving hugs their way through the air OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO love to you both xx

Fear........ Paralysing Fear

So it has started, well actually it started a while ago but as per usual I have been slack at writing it on here!

A while ago I had a dream where my bubba crawled off the edge of a bridge, not so cool and ever since then I have been paranoid about him doing something like that. He is by nature a climbing kind of kid and into everything. I'm not sure if it is something all mothers (parents) experience, though I'm sure to one degree or another it is. But I'm sure that my fear of him hurting himself is far more significant than my husbands. I know you have to let kids be kids, but he is still so little (14 months) and doesn't really know that it's not cool to continually crawl onto the road or climb up the couch or any of the 1001 other things he does.

But fear, that heart beating in your throat, I-think-I-spew kind of fear well it's terrifying! Though I must admit, it has slowly faded back a little. Don't get me wrong, it is still right there, but it has faded so it's not so prominent and is not my first thought all the time! Hopefully it will get less and less as time goes on!